


Light of Spring

by henriqua



Series: Light of My Life [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Boys Kissing, Getting Together, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-28
Updated: 2017-02-28
Packaged: 2018-09-27 01:21:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9944021
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/henriqua/pseuds/henriqua
Summary: ”I think I'm in love."”You think? Dude, I always thought 'I think I'm in love' until I met you and we became close friends and I found out what you're supposed to feel towards a friend. I had been so deeply in love for years that I didn't even realize it was love.""Shit."OrA (little) story about aching, late night Skype calls, freezing cold, distance you want to close, badly hidden secrets and spring that came early.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Did any of you miss this universe? Because boy, I DID. I'm so happy I got the time and energy to write this even with school being busy and life being not-so-gentle. I'm so excited for you all to read this.
> 
> The most amazing [psychilk](http://psychilk.tumblr.com/) beta-read this for me, and I couldn't be more grateful ♡ (I did some additions afterwards though, so if there's some mistakes they're totally on me c': )
> 
> The song lyrics in the beginning and end are from BTS' "Spring Day", translation taken from [here](http://bts-trans.tumblr.com/post/157149494050/). This story is set around the same time as the epilogue of Awkward Sun.
> 
> I hope you enjoy ♡

_I miss you_  
_Saying it like this makes me miss you even more.  
  
_

* * *

 

Kuroo Tetsurou had never been in a meaningful, long-lasting romantic relationship. He did, every now and then after having a couple of drinks in a bar, bring someone who he knew the face and name of home with himself or spend the night in a bed that wasn't his own. All of that was for fun, just a harmless way for Kuroo to feel the touch of another person on his skin and reduce the stress university dropped on his shoulders.  
  
He didn't feel lonely when both of his closest friends got into relationships, of course he didn't. He was happy for them: Tsukishima actually smiled and laughed on a daily basis and Bokuto, slowly but steadily, seemed to realize he didn't need to be the best to be accepted. Yamaguchi and Akaashi were Kuroo's friends as well, and they only made Kuroo think how lucky he was to have so many amazing people around him.  
  
But something was missing, it felt like there was a tiny, empty space inside Kuroo's chest that started to ache when he lay in bed after a fun day with his friends. He kept telling himself he shouldn't be feeling like that, that he hadn't _lost_ anything – that everything was temporary, and when the _temporary_ would come to an end his chest would feel full again.  
  
Full of happiness, full of friends, full of love.  
  
-~-  
  
”You look like a mess.”  
  
”And you look like you haven't slept in three days.”  
  
”Who said I have?” Kuroo snorted and ran his hand through his hair, making it even messier. A light laugh echoed in his headphones, and he smirked.  
  
”You really should head to bed, though. It's already past midnight for you,” Kuroo said, crossing his legs and closing the book he had been reading. On his laptop screen, Kenma took a look of the watch on his wrist and sighed. He stretched his arms over his head, letting out a high-pitched sound – grinning victoriously when Kuroo whined about having headphones on and the volume turned up.  
  
”When did you become such a mom? It's not that late, you know,” the blond said, the sound of him clicking something on his own computer screen getting caught by his microphone and sent into Kuroo's headphones.  
  
”You adopt mom-like tendencies when you make friends with Bokuto Koutarou. Even though I've been able to act less of a mom-friend since they started dating, because Akaashi has been looking after Bokuto even more,” Kuroo admitted with a small snicker. Kenma tilted his head and Kuroo could see the confused frown on his face even though the quality of the video call made him slightly pixelated. Kuroo simply shrugged and rubbed his eyes, yawning.  
  
If it was already past midnight in Australia, it was getting pretty late in Tokyo as well.  
  
”You're taking care of yourself as well, right, Kuro?” Kuroo blinked his eyes open, his arms still mid-air. There was a beat of silence between them that Kuroo broke by huffing out a laugh and rolling his eyes.  
  
”C'mon, Kenma, you don't have to worry about me. You concentrate on your studies and keeping yourself healthy, and I'll be fine,” he said, unable to help a soft smile spreading on his lips. On the other end of the call, Kenma sighed, the breath of air crackling in Kuroo's headphones, and shook his head. The look in his eyes was something Kuroo couldn't properly read – his best friend had always been hard to read, while he read everyone else like open books – but it was gone in a blink of an eye, the familiar neutral expression returning on Kenma's face.  
  
”I am concentrating on my studies. Just finished two weeks' worth of work in four days,” Kenma said, not sounding proud or excited at all. Kuroo leaned his chin on his hand and made a sound of disapproval.  
  
”Remember to have fun as well, I've heard Australia has a lot to offer.” Kenma simply shrugged, turning his gaze down. He twirled the wire of his own headphones between his fingers and worried his lip, a gentle frown on his face.  
  
”I'm homesick,” he confessed after a small silence and Kuroo nodded, trying to make the expression on his face look sympathetic even though the small, empty space in his chest had started to ache again. On his laptop screen, Kenma raised his eyes, looking a little bit sad, and pouted.  
  
”We all miss you too,” Kuroo said, telling the truth even though he hadn't talked to Kenma's parents or their mutual friends in a long time.  
  
-~-  
  
Kuroo had always had a high tolerance for bullshit. He didn't get angry easily, and there wasn't a lot of things that annoyed him to no end. He had lived three years in a dorm with seven other people, and even though there was no such a thing as 'peaceful Saturday evening', Kuroo had never complained. His roommates were loud, invited even louder friends over every day of the week and didn't seem to care the walls were basically made of paper.  
  
One of the things that did manage to irritate Kuroo, however, was cold. Most of the year Tokyo wasn't _that_ cold, but the moment when Kuroo couldn't go outside without a huge scarf and at least three layers of clothes, his mood came plummeting down. And when he was already feeling sour, everything seemed to annoy him: his lecturer's monotone, boring voice, Bokuto's rambling, Akaashi's silent but questioning stares.  
  
Kuroo wasn't raised in a jungle and he never snapped at his friends, but over the years everyone had learned that when it was cold, it was better to leave Kuroo be. They always made sure it was the cold bothering him and not something bad that had happened, and Kuroo was thankful for their concern.  
  
It was an early January afternoon, the cafeteria full of hungry students. Kuroo had already finished his lunch and was trying his best at ignoring whatever Bokuto and Tsukishima were debating over next to him. Bokuto laughed loudly, his lunch forgotten, and crossed his arms victoriously. Tsukishima deadpanned a counter-argument and Bokuto pouted, waving his chopsticks in the air while trying to come up with something smart to say.  
  
Bokuto said a long sentence that even Kuroo couldn't understand, and the black haired boy took that as his cue to leave before his annoyance could reach its peak. The morning had been cold, breaths turning into white smoke, and Kuroo wasn't looking forward going home later in the freezing weather. He packed his things and mumbled quick goodbyes to his friends who waved, still immersed in their heated debate.  
  
Kuroo found his way into one of the science buildings and sat down in front of the classroom his next lecture would be held in. He still had fifteen minutes left before the class would start, and he got his phone out of his pocket, tapped the screen a couple of times and put the device on his ear.  
  
”Hi.”  
  
”Do you have time to talk with me for a couple of minutes?”  
  
”Sure. What's the matter?” Kuroo leaned his head against a wall and closed his eyes.  
  
”It's cold.”  
  
”Ah.”  
  
”Talk about your day or whatever.”  
  
”Well,” Kenma started, his familiar voice soothing in Kuroo's ear. ”I had a class in the morning. On my way back home I saw a black cat, reminded me of you. I went to buy something to eat and the store was really crowded and it made me anxious, so after getting home I've been just playing this game I talked about yesterday. I'm ahead of all my classes so I have a day off tomorrow which is nice. Mom called yesterday. I somehow got a sunburn on my arm and it kinda hurts. I also should dye my hair again soon but the American girl who did it last time already went back to the States and there's no one here I trust enough on this matter. Still annoyed?”  
  
Kuroo huffed out a light laugh. ”A little, but I feel better. Thanks, Kenma.”  
  
”Don't mention it. We can Skype when you get home?” Kuroo hummed, knowing his best friend gave him a nod on the other end of the line even without seeing it. ”See you then.”  
  
The call ended and Kuroo locked his phone, staring down at the black screen. A small smile appeared on his lips and he ran a hand through his hair, pocketing the phone. Suddenly he was excited to face the cold after his class and go home.  
  
-~-  
  
”I want to drop out.” Kuroo hated how he couldn't simply reach for his best friend on his computer screen and touch him, wrap his arms around him and dry the tears staining his cheeks. It was the 21st century already, how was the technology still so old-fashioned?  
  
”Kenma...”  
  
”I hate it here, Kuro. I really do. Everything's just falling down, you know? I feel so helpless,” Kenma whispered between sobs, trying to hide his face behind his hands. Kuroo bit the inside of his cheek, feeling at least as helpless as the blond.  
  
”Listen, Kenma. You're working so hard and doing so much extra all the time. It was only a matter of time when the stress would be too much. You seriously need to rest for a week or two, you know?”  
  
”I want to graduate early, that's why I'm doing all the extra stuff. I just want to come home,” Kenma said, letting out a shuddering sigh. His eyes were red, tears still gathering in the corners of them, and Kuroo felt physical pain from not being able to touch him.  
  
”Kenma, promise me you won't drop out. You only have like, a year left, and I know you can do it. Getting into that school was the biggest dream of yours, remember? I can't force you to stay and I would love to have you back here on this exact second but... you're so smart, so bright. You would get so angry at yourself later if you dropped out now. Trust me, I know you,” Kuroo said, maintaining an eye contact with Kenma. The blond wiped his eyes on the sleeves of his oversized sweater and nodded, not looking pleased. He took a hair tie from his wrist and pulled his hair into a simple ponytail, taking a deep breath. Kuroo tried to smile even though his heart was in pain.  
  
”You're right. You're always right,” Kenma said, giving a weak smile to his best friend. Kuroo nodded with a small, confident laugh and the honest smile on Kenma's lips eased the ache in his chest a little.  
  
-~-  
  
”Bro,” Kuroo said, squeezing his eyes shut for a moment before opening them. The floor had been waving but looked steady now, and Kuroo grinned happily.  
  
”Bro,” Bokuto parroted and threw an arm around Kuroo's shoulders, emptying the glass in his hand. He put the glass on a table already full of empty glasses of different shapes and sizes and gave a sheepish smile to his friend. The wild lights of green, yellow and blue danced on Bokuto's face, and Kuroo knew from experience that the music was loud enough to drum in his ears the next morning.  
  
”I think I'm in love,” Kuroo confessed, leaning his body against Bokuto's side. He felt Bokuto's cheerful laugh rather than hearing it, and he wasn't sure if Bokuto really gave his shoulder a gentle squeeze or if he just imagined it because he really needed someone to tell him he wouldn't be left alone.  
  
”You think? Dude, I always thought 'I think I'm in love' until I met you and we became close friends and I found out what you're supposed to feel towards a friend. I had been so deeply in love for years that I didn't even realize it was love,” Bokuto monologued, leading them through the crowd on the dance floor. Kuroo wrapped his fingers around the back of Bokuto's shirt so he wouldn't lose his friend by accident, hanging his head low.  
  
”Shit,” he mumbled, shaking his head as Bokuto chuckled. They managed to leave the dance floor behind and made their way to the counter. Bokuto ordered a glass of water and sat Kuroo down after getting his order, making sure Kuroo was holding the glass with both of his hands before letting go himself.  
  
”Okay, now you drink that and then we'll go home,” Bokuto said and patted Kuroo's shoulder, taking his phone out of his pocket. He checked his Instagram and sent a quick message to Akaashi while Kuroo struggled with his drink.  
  
He put the glass on the table after a couple of mouthfuls and sighed. ”Bokuto, I'm serious.”  
  
”I know you are. Now c'mon buddy, trust me: you'll feel so much better in the morning if you drink all of that,” Bokuto said, taking the glass and handing it back to Kuroo. The black haired boy sighed again, rubbed his hands over his face and took the glass. Bokuto grinned victoriously and cheered when Kuroo swallowed the very last drop.  
  
They left the glass on the table and, after struggling for a moment with getting their jackets on in the darkness, left the bar. The streets weren't exactly empty but it wasn't crowded, silent and slow flakes of snow floating down. Bokuto's arm was around Kuroo's shoulders again and Kuroo had a strong hold of the back of his friend's jacket, and they supported each other's drunken bodies and minds when wobbling towards the train station down the street.  
  
Kuroo sat down on the bench on the platform and buried his head in his hands, not sure was the pounding of his head just an after-effect from the loud music or was it caused by his upcoming hangover.  
  
”So,” he heard Bokuto saying, his voice echoing around the empty platform, ”it's Kozume, isn't it?”  
  
”Am I that easy to read?”  
  
Bokuto's laugh was airy, amused. ”I just know you, man. Are you planning on telling him?” Kuroo snapped his head up, brows furrowed. Bokuto's face was open and curious, not a trace of joking in his eyes.  
  
”Are you kidding me? That wouldn't end well.”  
  
”Why not?”  
  
”He's my best friend. We've been best friends for years.”  
  
”And? Akaashi was my best friend. Now he's my best friend _and_ boyfriend,” Bokuto said, shrugging. Kuroo sighed and shook his head, immediately regretting doing that as the shaky scenery made him feel sick.  
  
”Not all of us are as lucky as you,” he said, massaging his temples. Bokuto sat next to him, placing a hand on his shoulder – a silent question to make sure he was alright. Kuroo nodded and Bokuto gave his shoulder a squeeze before crossing his arms.  
  
”What do you mean by that?”  
  
”You're like, the luckiest guy on Earth. You manage to get into accidents that are supposed to, like, kill you yet you never hurt yourself. Everything always somehow works out for you,” Kuroo said, glancing the boy sitting next to him. Bokuto was looking up, the sky dark above them, his face serious.  
  
”Nah, I'm just stupid, confident and fearless enough to get into situations like that. Someday I'll hurt myself and that's the moment when I'll learn,” Bokuto said, turned his eyes on Kuroo and smirked. ”But before that, I won't slow down. And neither should you.”  
  
-~-  
  
Extremely bright sunlight made it possible to see even the smallest particles of dust in the air, and Kuroo followed their slow dancing when walking through the cafeteria. He sat down and slid a cup of take-away coffee across the table, getting a wide smile as a thank you.  
  
”You didn't have to, you know,” Yamaguchi said but wrapped his fingers around the cup happily, taking a sip. Kuroo shook his head, crossing his arms.  
  
”I'm not letting you work for free, I know you do that enough already.”  
  
”We're friends,” Yamaguchi said with a roll of his eyes, put the cup back on the table and turned his focus on Kuroo's laptop in front of him.  
  
”That's not an excuse,” Kuroo argued. Yamaguchi sighed with a small smile on his lips but didn't say anything, knowing from experience that Kuroo needed to have the last word. A silence fell between them as Yamaguchi read through Kuroo's job application, the cafeteria surprisingly calm around them. Kuroo drummed his nails against the table and leaned his chin on his other hand, his eyes scanning the sunny scenery of the campus on the other side of the window.  
  
It was only the first week of February, but it looked like spring was coming early that year.  
  
Yamaguchi wrote something, the keyboard clicking, scrunched his brows as he read something on the screen and then nodded. He turned the laptop around so the screen was now facing Kuroo.  
  
”It looks good, very professional. I would hire you,” he said with a smile, and Kuroo laughed. He saved the document and double-clicked the Internet icon on his desktop.  
  
”Thank you, Yamaguchi. Really. Getting this job would be a dream come true,” Kuroo said with a sigh, and on the other side of the table Yamaguchi nodded, holding his cup of coffee with both hands.  
  
”Don't mention it. I really wish you'll get the job,” Yamaguchi said, and Kuroo took a glance at him over the screen while he waited for the right page to load. Kuroo wished he would get the job, too – he was supposed to graduate soon, meaning he had his hands full with papers to do and books to read, and he had come to the conclusion that he needed a more silent place to study in than the dorm. Living in a proper apartment was obviously more expensive, and when Kuroo had found out one of the medical laboratories in Tokyo was looking for an intern, he had decided to do anything to get the spot.  
  
”Yeah, me too,” Kuroo said, and Yamaguchi smiled to him, the warmth of it rivaling the bright sunlight. Yamaguchi had always had that mysterious, magnetic aura around him but on that moment Kuroo realized how his friend must have seen the freckled boy all along. ”How's Tsukishima?”  
  
Yamaguchi shrugged. ”Tired. Moving is stressing him out, the timing isn't really the best but we couldn't let the apartment go. I mean, it's _perfect,_ ” he said, a sparkle in his eyes. Kuroo nodded and pushed the laptop to the side, the page taking its sweet time to upload the application.  
  
”It really sucks our schedules don't match at all anymore, it's been ages since I last saw him,” Kuroo said, pouting. ”We should go out for drinks or something when you guys have settled.”  
  
”That would be great, that's exactly what he needs. I'd really appreciate if you could organize something,” Yamaguchi said, looking excited. ”We get the keys tomorrow so maybe in two weeks?” Kuroo nodded and took his phone out, checking his calendar.  
  
”Of course I can. I guess it's something I need as well,” he said, and Yamaguchi tilted his head, his brows furrowed.  
  
”Is everything alright?”  
  
”Yeah, yeah, don't worry. I just... I have a lot in my mind,” Kuroo said, shrugging. The look on Yamaguchi's face was still questioning but he let the topic go, to Kuroo's relief. He had less than a week ago got way too drunk because of the things that made his mind heavy, and he knew he wouldn't be able to talk about them – talk about Kenma – now. He had opened up to Bokuto that night but when the other boy had brought the topic up the next morning, Kuroo had quickly fled.  
  
Kuroo didn't want to talk about his pathetic, almost childish crush on his best friend, especially because he hadn't even realized he had feelings for the aforementioned best friend before they had moved to another country. Kuroo knew very well his talents included making his own life a lot harder than it had to be, and he didn't need to hear that from others.  
  
Kuroo had managed to send out his application and scribble some kind of invitation to text to his closest friends when Yamaguchi took a look of the watch on his wrist and realized he was almost late for his class. Kuroo thanked him again for sacrificing his time and Yamaguchi gently told him to shut up – he wasn't as busy with finishing his thesis or other papers since he wouldn't be graduating just yet; he had decided to study pedagogies as well and had at least a year's worth of classes left.  
  
Kuroo waved to Yamaguchi when he left the cafeteria and started packing his own things away as well. He put the laptop in his backpack and was in the middle of wrapping a scarf around his neck when he felt his phone buzzing in the pocket of his jacket. Kuroo took the phone out, surprised but happy when he saw the sender of the text, and quickly tapped the message open.  
  
_From: Kenma  
__2/4  
__[12:57] The principal of my school wanted to talk with me because I've been studying extra and apparently I've basically done everything I need to do for the degree.  
__[12:58] I'll graduate early.  
__[12:58] Kuro, I'm coming home next month.  
  
_ Kuroo read the texts over and over again, a gentle smile slowly making its way on his lips as the realization hit him; spring was definitely early that year.  
  
-~-  
  
Kuroo loved airports, the buzz of excitement lingering in the air and how the time of the day didn't seem to matter. He tried to calm down his nerves by looking at the groups of people passing him, trying to guess where they were headed, or if any of them were waiting for someone like he was.  
  
Kuroo gnawed his lower lip and tugged the hem of his hoodie, a nervous tic he didn't realize he was doing. Kenma's plane had landed a while ago and he would walk through the gate any minute now. He had told Kuroo he could take the train from the airport to Tokyo alone since it was late, but Kuroo had told him he didn't have a morning class and wouldn’t mind coming to the airport.  
  
Kuroo knew Kenma could take the train alone and make it home at night – he had survived alone in _Australia_ , for God's sake – but Kuroo had done his waiting. He needed to see his best friend as soon as it was possible, and he also knew that deep down Kenma would appreciate his company.  
  
Kuroo had talked with Kenma countless of times through Skype during his stay in Australia, but the tiny smile the blond gave him when he walked through the gate and stopped in front of the taller boy was nothing compared to the ones Kuroo had seen on his computer screen. Without saying a word he wrapped his arms around Kenma, pulling the shorter boy tightly against his chest. He felt Kenma's fingers curling around the back of his hoodie, the grip definitely strong enough to make his knuckles go white.  
  
”I missed you,” Kuroo managed to say after swallowing the lump in his throat.  
  
”We talked, like, yesterday,” Kenma mumbled, slowly and reluctantly letting go of the taller boy.  
  
”Yeah, on _Skype_. It's different.” Kenma shrugged but Kuroo saw the amusement and happiness glinting in his eyes, his tense shoulders relaxing a little. Kuroo took the huge suitcase from his friend and led them out of the airport, talking non-stop until they boarded the train that would take them back to the city.  
  
Kenma did have dark circles under his eyes yet he was fully awake, a small grin appearing on his lips every time his eyes caught a text written in Japanese or when he heard someone speaking in the language. Kuroo knew he had missed home, and when they had only 10 minutes of the train journey left Kenma grew restless on his seat. They left the train quickly after arriving, and Kuroo looked at Kenma from the corner of his eyes as they stepped on the platform.  
  
”The weather's good.”  
  
”It's dark,” Kuroo snorted. ”And cold, at least compared to Sydney.”  
  
”It's perfect. It's spring.” Kuroo hummed.  
  
”You've always liked spring.” It was more of a statement than a question, but Kenma nodded anyway. He turned to look at Kuroo, and even though it was dark and his long, blonde bangs were covering his other eye Kuroo could see the relief in his expression. He breathed in the chilly air and looked up to the sky, the lights of the city too bright for stars. ”Spring's nice.”  
  
~  
  
Kuroo leaned against the wall and watched with a soft smile as Kenma's parents hugged their son, a struggling expression on the blond's face making him laugh. It had been some time since they had seen Kuroo as well, and it was well past midnight when Kenma's mother took four empty tea cups away from the table to the sink.  
  
”You're not seriously going to go home, Tetsurou?” Kenma's mother asked when Kuroo started to pull his jacket on. ”It's late.”  
  
”I'll be fine, I'm old enough to take care of myself,” Kuroo joked, but the look he was given wasn't approving.  
  
”It's not about your age. I know the area you live in isn't the safest one at this hour.” There was worry in her voice, the tone similar to what Kuroo usually heard from his own mother, and concern flashed over Kenma's face.  
  
”I'll be fine,” Kuroo repeated, forcing a laugh in his words. Kenma's mother was right, and even though Kuroo couldn't be entirely sure nothing would happen he still knew the risk of getting hurt was minimal.  
  
”You can stay the night. We'll set a bed for you in Kenma's room, it's not like that would be the first time.” Kuroo was way too slow for Kenma's mother, and the woman had already disappeared when he finally registered her words. Kuroo let out a sigh, admitting his defeat, and squinted his eyes at Kenma.  
  
”Don't you dare laugh.”  
  
”I'm not laughing,” Kenma said with a small chuckle. Kuroo put his jacket away and the two of them walked through the house to Kenma's room.  
  
Even though Kenma hadn't been living in his room for some time, it still looked and smelt familiar. It was unusually clean but still, Kuroo felt like coming home: piles of games on every possible shelf, a red-and-white jacket hanging on the back of the chair, pictures – some very old, some taken only a year or two ago – pinned on the walls. Kenma's expression was soft, finally relaxed and content, and Kuroo grinned when helping Kenma's mother set out a spare futon for him on the floor.  
  
~  
  
”Kuroo?” The house was dark and quiet, and Kuroo had been sure Kenma had been sleeping already as well. He hummed and blinked his eyes open, turning on his side so he was facing Kenma's bed. It was too dark for him to see anything, but he could hear Kenma shifting on his bed, taking a deep breath and then letting it out. ”Thanks for picking me up from the airport.”  
  
”No problem,” Kuroo laughed. ”If I had known I would end up sleeping on your floor I probably would have left earlier, though.”  
  
”Do you have to get up early? For class.”  
  
”I don't have a morning class.”  
  
”Don't lie to me.”  
  
”Alright, I _do_ have a morning class but I'm sure the professor won't miss me,” Kuroo said with a roll of his eyes even though Kenma couldn't see it. ”It's nicer to sleep here anyway.”  
  
”What's that supposed to mean?” Kenma asked after a beat of silence. Kuroo wanted to bite his tongue off for letting something like that slip, especially because it was with Kenma – the other boy could immediately tell was he lying or not. The silence between them stretched out, and all Kuroo could hear was his frantically beating heart and the gears turning in his mind as he tried to come up with something to say.  
  
”I get to wake up and see you,” Kuroo said after deciding it was better to go with the raw truth.  
  
”You want to see me when you wake up?”  
  
”Yeah.” Another silence that filled Kuroo's head with white noise. He held his breath and squeezed his eyes shut, trying to force himself fall asleep. Neither of them said anything for a long time, and Kuroo thought that Kenma had finally fallen asleep. He tried to relax on his futon, only to feel a nervous chill run down on his spine when he heard Kenma shifting on his bed again.  
  
”Could you come here?” Kenma's voice was barely a whisper, so silent it was a miracle Kuroo even heard his words. It took him a moment to understand what the blond had said, and Kuroo had to tell himself to breathe when he tossed his blanket away, got on his feet and sat on the edge of Kenma's bed. The bed was big, they had shared it countless of times, but the air between them was different now than ever before: electric, expectant.  
  
Kuroo kept his movements small and careful when he lay down, turning on his side. His eyes were more used to the dark now but he still couldn't properly see the boy laying next to him, couldn't tell what kind of expression he was wearing. Kenma's breathing was light and fast, and Kuroo's ears rang from the sharp gasp the blond made when their legs brushed against each other under the covers.  
  
”Kenma, I–”  
  
”I know,” Kenma said, sighed out the words like they had the biggest secret in the world inside them and he was relieved to let them finally go.  
  
”You know?”  
  
”I've known since high school,” he confessed, making something in Kuroo's chest turn upside down. He wasn't sure was the feeling good or bad, the weird simmering inside him making him pleased yet nervous.  
  
”Why didn't you say anything?”  
  
”Why didn't you?” Kuroo opened his mouth to say something but he snapped it shut when he felt the other boy's fingertips tracing the collar of his T-shirt. Kuroo's breathing turned heavy, heavier than he wanted, but he didn't pull back. ”I knew I would leave. To Australia, I mean. I didn't think it would be fair to... to tell you and then move to another country. I told myself it would be fine that way, you would find someone and be happy, and I would be happy for you.”  
  
”But I didn't find anyone–”  
  
”Yeah, you loser.”  
  
”–because I only wanted you.” Kenma went silent, his light laugh getting cut short. One of the fingers on Kuroo's collar hooked over it almost painfully slowly, the tip of the finger brushing against the skin of Kuroo's neck, the touch featherlike. Kuroo swallowed, his whole body suddenly feeling paralyzed, and held his breath when Kenma's hand traveled downwards and stopped on his chest, warm palm spread right over his uncontrollably beating heart.  
  
Kuroo leaned in, feeling like everything happened in slow motion, and Kenma let him. He knew the blond could feel the crazy tempo of his heart but neither of them said anything. Kuroo wasn't sure did he like the dark or not: he wanted to see the expression on Kenma's face – was he scared? Excited? Nervous like he was? On the other hand, the darkness hid the very apparent blush Kuroo felt on his face, and Kenma couldn't see the specks of fear in his eyes.  
  
Kuroo wasn't sure was it him or Kenma who closed the very last inches between their mouths, but in the end, it didn't matter. Kenma's fingers wrapped around the fabric of Kuroo's shirt in a light grip, and they melted into the kiss. Kuroo closed his eyes, the press of Kenma's lips against his own feeling perfect, almost familiar. The touch was safe, it was slow and soft, and they broke it only to catch some air.  
  
”Kuroo...” Kenma said, sounding both interrogative and commanding at the same time, the air hot between their mouths. Kuroo placed his hand on the side of Kenma's face and kissed him again, a quiet whine escaping from the smaller boy. Kuroo slid his hand into the blond hair, carding his fingers through them, and when Kenma shifted on the bed to slip his leg between Kuroo's their tongues brushed against each other.  
  
Kuroo put his hand behind Kenma's neck to pull him closer, and the hand resting over Kuroo's heart settled behind his back when they pressed their chests together. Their legs got tangled under the blanket and Kuroo treasured every little sound Kenma sighed into his mouth, the kisses changing from hard and fast to slow and lingering, both of them unwilling to break the contact in the fear of everything being just a dream.  
  
Kuroo couldn't open his eyes when the pressure of Kenma's lips on his own disappeared. He knew the other boy was right there, chest heaving against his own and fingers wrapped around the back of his shirt. Kuroo played with the curls on the back of Kenma's neck, knowing from the small content noise the blond made that his actions were appreciated.  
  
”Kenma,” Kuroo mumbled, his eyelids heavy and mind already fuzzy with sleep. ”You'll stay, right?”  
  
”I'm not going anywhere, Kuroo. Go to sleep.”  
  
Kuroo smiled, on the brink between sleep and consciousness, and for the first time in years, he couldn't even feel the empty space inside his chest, almost as if it had disappeared.

* * *

   
_You know it all_  
_You're my best friend_  
_Mornings will come back_  
_Because no darkness, no season_  
_Can be forever._

**Author's Note:**

> To be honest, Kenma didn't appear in Awkward Sun because I feel like I can't capture his character well enough, and I'm super nervous that I didn't quite do him justice in this...... but at least I overcame a fear of mine by writing him!
> 
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> 
> [find this story on tumblr!](http://sleepyams.tumblr.com/post/157829767382/)
> 
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> [tumblr](http://sleepyams.tumblr.com/) | [twitter](https://twitter.com/vilmahenriika)


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